It’s never too soon to consider our own legacy
From: startribune.com
You enter a solemn space where a eulogy is about to be delivered. Turns out that eulogy is for you.
What do you hope is said?
It’s a daunting question, one most of us would rather ignore. But there are compelling reasons to plow in and consider answers, as I did at a morning seminar last week.
I was there for work, mostly. Beginning Wednesday at sundown, Jews around the world begin a 10-day period of self-reflection that includes our humbling plea for forgiveness from those we’ve hurt. As always, I have my work cut out.
Yet, reflection — and regret — are not unique to one faith group, which is why I see value in embracing “legacy letters.”
Also called ethical wills, these letters are not legal documents. They are not a laundry list of who gets Mom’s china and Dad’s jade elephant.
They are personal outpourings to the people we love, sharing in letter form our values and hopes, sorrows and mistakes, gratitude and wisdom.
They are us at our most real and raw.
And interest in them is growing, said Barry Baines, a Twin Cities-based family doctor specializing in hospice and palliative medicine.
While hospice is a logical setting for legacy letters, Baines has been contacted by churches, financial services organizations and community foundations, all wanting to help their members live more meaningful lives in the present.
“People are looking for purpose,” said Baines, co-owner of Celebrations of Life (celebrationsoflife.net), which offers workshops and resources for people wishing to consider, or create, their legacy.
“When they express their gratitude, they’re happier and more productive,” he said. “They tend to live more intentionally. Everything I read continues to reinforce the work we’re doing.”
He came to this concept as much personally as professionally.
In 1990, his father was diagnosed with cancer. Baines suggested that he write a reflective letter to his children.
“Why would I do that?” asked his Depression-era dad. A month before his father died, Baines received that longed-for letter. It is just seven paragraphs long, single-spaced — a heartfelt missive from a simple working man who believed in honesty, truthfulness and family.
“To this date, it is the most cherished possession I have from him,” said Baines, who, in 1999, founded the website ethicalwill.com to offer others the same cathartic experience.
Legacy letters can be informal handwritten thoughts on blank sheets of paper, or typewritten and formal, utilizing structure and a list of questions. They’re all fine, as long as we pick one and “do it,” Baines said.
He spoke this month at an event sponsored by the Minneapolis and St. Paul chapters of Hadassah, an American Jewish women’s volunteer organization. While his groups are mostly female, he’s struck by the depth to which men go in their legacy letters, when they are ready.
